I am the mother of four. In some circles, that’s an enormous number. In other circles, that’s just getting started.
At any rate, I’ve gone through four births, three potty-training-s, two kindergartens, and one learning-to-read-s. There’s a lot in between each of those milestones. Like trips to the emergency room, family gatherings interrupted by vomit, and threats of running away.
Here’s the thing: Even after having all these kids, I know nothing. And my kids do weird stuff all the time. Little kids are learning to be human, which is a tough job. (Heck – – I’m still learning to be human!)
Furthermore, being tired, hungry, or bored can become catastrophic quickly. My kids delight in teaching me that lesson over and over again until I finally get it and pack enough snacks and things to do in our already enormous diaper bag.
I have witnessed kids from other families throw fits. Call names. Bite. Refuse to move. And the moms always get apologetic, probably because (like me in those situations) they feel filled with guilt and shame during public incidents. As if the behavior of their child indicates complete mothering ineptitude.
In the vast majority of cases, though, the mom is doing just fine.
I really, really, really want a sign for Mom Solidarity. Like a secret handshake, only cooler. Because there’s not a clear way to say “I’m not judging you” to an embattled mom without making a scene. The sympathetic smile can be misconstrued as judgement. The nod, the look away– all those could be perceived as judgement. Anything I can think of to say is so…awkward. “You go, girl,” “You got this,” and “Keep on keepin’ on?” Lame-o.
I tried to poke around on the internet to see if such a thing exists. This article had some nice ways to be supportive, but not an actual secret handshake. One mom used the gesture from The Hunger Games, but I’m not sure I love that.
Here’s what I propose.
This is the ASL letter “M.” (Watching a couple Signing Time DVDs does not make me fluent in ASL, but it has given me a great respect and appreciation for the power and beauty of sign language.)
Making the “M,” fist pump twice. Boom. A quick, subtle way to let another mom know that we’re all in this together. Even if we’re making different choices. Even if we parent differently. Let’s give up this whole “mommy wars” thing. We’re all just doing the best we can.
If you’re one of the 5 people I know in real life, and you see me make the M fist pump, here’s what I’m saying:
You are a good mom. You’re doing your best. Could you be doing better? Sure! All of us could. We could all be a little more patient, a little more understanding of our kids. But don’t beat yourself up for not being pinterest-able all the time.
You think your kid just did something awful? I don’t mean to be that guy, but probably my kid has done something worse. Way worse and involving poo. So whatever it is that you’re feeling embarrassed about, I’ve probably been there–but with poo.
So keep on keepin’ on. You’ve got this. Let me know if you need some emergency snacks or baby wipes. We’re all in this together.
There you go. Let’s start using this in grocery stores and at playgrounds everywhere. Mom solidarity!
(Linking up with Reconciled to You)
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M-fist pump at you! I know what you mean . . . the more kids I have, the more I realize how little I know.
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Solidarity!
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I’m pretty sure this will go viral and be your claim to fame. 🙂 I might have to see you in person to make sure I’m doing the fist pump right… But I’m on board. Now off to practice my m’s.
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That’s funny. I’d love it if the mom solidarity sign went beyond the 5 people I know in real life. 🙂
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I totally agree. There’s no universal way to say, “Rock on, fellow mom. You’re doing great.” I usually totally ignore other people’s kid’s temper tantrums because I guess that’s what I’d want people to do for me, but that doesn’t quite get the message across!
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I stand in solidarity with all the other moms just trying to do our best to get through each day! I really need this today! With one newborn, a rambunctious toddler, one stuck in the middle, and one tween, in the throws of puberty (all girls I might add), I feel like such a failure when by the end of the day, the house is a mess and my nerves are shot. I know I am not alone!
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If you could see me, I’m totally giving you the mom sign. Sometimes my only goal for the day is just keeping everyone alive. And that’s enough. Hang in there! 🙂
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I love this!!! I try to tell my single friends all the time that parenting is pretty much entirely guesswork, because little kids are so unpredictable! In fact, when people do the whole “Baby is mad, you’re mom, so obviously you know what he wants and what’s best,” I typically stop them right there to be like NOPE, Mama does not always know the answer 😛
But yeah, I really like your mom-sign, and I’ll try to remember to do this and pass along the article. What a neat idea! I usually try to do the sympathetic smile, but you’re right-that could easily be misconstrued as judgment.
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“Mama does not always know the answer.” Could I get that embroidered on a pillow? 🙂
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I really love this idea! Too often, when my own kids act up in the street, I’m just at this point when I realize that they are going to do this and I just have to accept it. It’s not easy when people look at you like you’re crazy. Especially when they hear, “Oh, this is where we’re going to stop to cry it out. Okay, let me find something to do while you get this out our system.” And I just stand there and let them go about it.
It’s hard growing up, and so many emotions that the kids have I’m sure they don’t understand it completely. When they get like that, I have to remind myself that they just need more patience, and I need to buy another Spiritual Book when I get home. Hahahaha 🙂
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“…they just need more patience, and I need to buy another spiritual book.” So true! 🙂
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Thanks for joining with #WorthRevisit … this is a fabulous edition to this week’s revisited links! My daughter is deaf; which does not make me an expert in ASL either lol. I’ve often wished the whole world knew the language because of the many times I’ve longed to share my support across a crowded church, store, or room with another mom! Though… sometimes just that ‘OH I’ve been there and YOU will be ok” mommy eye-lock can say a 1000 words!!
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Definitely!! Although, I am kind of partial to the Hunger Games sign, I really like your “M” idea – it’s a little more apt (unless a mom is dealing with a melted-down toddler or preschooler)… ?