This is my submission for this week’s Friday Fictioneers that is hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.
You can read about Friday Fictioneers at the end of this post. Then join us.
Below is the picture prompt for this week and below that is my story.
Picture copyright Roger Cohen
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Instruments
Genre: Crime Fiction
Tim was in charge now. The old man had been taken out of the picture.
Tim parked the convertible outside the old man’s house and let himself in.
“Take care of my instruments when I’m gone,” the old man had said.
“Certainly.” Tim now said to himself.
He walked into the study and opened the closet where the old man had always kept the cellos after playing his beloved pieces.
Tim reached for the larger cello, held it by its neck and smashed it on the floor.
Packets of white powder were inside, just as the old man had said.
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100 words
I read all your comments and I appreciate them, even if I take long to respond and even if I do not respond to each comment individually.
You can read pieces by other participants here.
Behind the Scenes/Comments
As happens many times, I saw the prompt and contemplated not posting. Too difficult, I thought. And as happens all the time, I ended up posting. So I should just skip the part where I think that I am not going to post.
This story was inspired by Tessa’s story here and Ron’s here. I hope my saying that does not bring their good names into disrepute 🙂
I had to ask Google what those instruments and their parts were (are?) called. Then I saw the comments on the Great Leader’s post…
It seems many Fictioneers were facing the same challenges as I was identifying the genres of their stories. The new rule to indicate the genre of the stories was removed, but I think I will try to follow it.
About Friday Fictioneers
Friday Fictioneers is a group or arrangement that works as follows:
Every week you get a picture.
Prompted by that picture, you write a piece of fiction that is 100 words long (or as close as you can get).
You add a link to your story on the Fictioneers page, and read the (awesome) stories by the other Friday Fictioneers.
Feel free to join us! Everyone is welcome.
Never thought of that! Good insight – the cello, or double bass used for the drugs. Pretty large amount too, so worth taking the old fellow out of the picture…
Thanks!
Now THAT’S a twist! Wasn’t expecting that at all. Nice work.
Thank you, Sandra!
oh wow didn’t see that one coming! great twist
Thanks, Kz.
Nice. That was quite a surprise at the end. And the smashing of the cello.. Ouch! 🙂
Nothing personal, just business 🙂
Thanks!
Dear Abraham,
It was resin for his bow, right?
Great story.
Aloha,
Doug
Dear Doug,
I considered putting plain old cash, instead of powder, but powder sounds more criminal 🙂
Thanks.
Abraham
Dear Abraham,
If it’s any consolation…when I choose the prompts I have no clue myself. But I love the challenge, which in itself is why I was instantly hooked on Friday Fictioneers. I’m very happy you didn’t sit this one out.
Great take on the prompt. However, I was corrected my Roger on the instruments…double basses, not cellos. (Don’t change a thing about your story, though).
Well done,
Shalom,
Rochelle
Dear Great Leader,
Yes, I saw the correction after I had written but not posted yet. but who wants two words when ‘cello’ will do? 🙂 Plus the story would still be the same even with guitars 🙂
I actually like the challenge and love the stories others write.
Thanks for the kind words.
I couldn’t agree more.
I really like the sparse crime fiction tone of the piece. Nice writing.
Thank you!
Abraham,
Good use of dialogue, like the twist at the end and the white powder not only sounds more criminal it also adds imagery and motion to the piece. Nice work.
Tom
I am glad you agree and thanks!
Hi Baba,
Thanks for the pingback and after reading your story, I understand the connection. Muscians and their drugs. There does seem to be an association. Good story. Ron
Thanks Ron. Your story was one of those in my very first week of Friday Fictioneers.
Love the twist…very well done. Glad i am not alone in thinking the prompts are tough but still making the most of it. I guess that’s the beauty of it…the challenge and all.
Yup! We signed up for a challenge. And to read great stories!
You executed the twist quite well. I was expecting you to reveal that Tim had offed the older man to get at his instruments – well, maybe he had – but I certainly hadn’t foreseen the whole of his inheritance!
Thanks!
That’s an unexpected ending! I wonder if extracting the packets without destroying the cellos would have ruined their tone (after all, any kind of powder would dampen the sound, wouldn’t it?) Maybe the old man wasn’t all that good a musician after all.
Or maybe he was so good, he could play with the stash inside 🙂
Wow, that went the opposite of the way I thought it would end. Interesting place to hide drugs….well done!
Thank you!
Oooo, nice twist!
Thanks Janet
Wow! I was someone’s inspiration. Cool! Liked your story as well!
Yes you were! 🙂
Wow, wham bam! I entered the story in family land and ended up in an episode of Breaking Bad. Nice twist, well done.
Thank you! 🙂
You fooled the hell out of me!
I’m glad I did 😀
Thanks for reading!
Nice, and what better place to hide something like that. Not many people would destroy a beautiful instrument on the off chance of finding drugs. Lots of room too. 🙂
Yup!
Very good, Abraham, probably one of your best.
I have to admit, I wasn’t a great fan of stating the genre up front as it could spoil the ‘reveal’ at the end of the piece if you are trying deliberately trying to misdirect the reader.
Thanks!
I had the same concern, so I think I will omit the genre some of the times.
Glad you posted. It was a good one. Had me fooled.
I am glad I did too. Thanks.
Oo I like your take on this! Very original and a great twist.
This was a great interpretation of the prompt! Also, a clever twist at the end. Nicely done!
Thanks Jan!
excellent! my favorite. well done.
Thanks, Rich. ‘Favorite’ is a lofty achievement 🙂
Your leading line is great, Abraham. Sets the tone, precise and clear. And, the ending surprised me. Well done.
Thank you for your kind words 🙂
Haven’t strange things been used to transport drugs and other nasties around for decades, I mean you only have to go back to the old violin cases and machine guns of the 1930’s gangster to see it. Nicely done, I really enjoyed it 🙂
I am glad you enjoyed it!
Beloved instruments indeed, really made the twist at the end better. I find that the difficult pictures in the end make better stories.
Thanks.
You just never know what will result from the pictures.
Nice contrarian approach! Most of the rest of us have played up the poetic or idyllic aspect of the instruments and those who play them in our posts but you found the underside. And as you look at the prompt, there is indeed an inherent seedyness in the way the instruments appear. Good job!
Thank Perry.
I considered those approaches and I’m glad I left it to those who can do that better 🙂
very nice piece with a surprise ending. enjoyed this a lot.
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Great job! I watched a movie not long ago where the statues of Mary in a church were made of heroin…interesting.
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/01/13/cliches-friday-fictioneers-late/
Scott
Thanks.
There was something similar in ‘Lost’
Really? No, this movie wasn’t “Lost”. It was a cops and mob show with Cuba Gooding, Jr.
Very good story. Interesting take.
BTW I saw your comment on my FF story titled Who Knew about crying. Honey, I cry every day. And if I write I cry even more. I’m an emotive writer. It’s how I work. It’s how I live. And I may cry, but I smile every day too.
this was very different. written cleverly..well done
Love the concept and your story – just wish I had the time to join you all. I will follow your stories 🙂
Nice twist.