This is Rochelle’s sixth week hosting Friday Fictioneers and my third week. I am enjoying it so much, and the community/family is unbelievable.
Copyright-Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
Safety
I kept running; glancing over my shoulder often.
If only I could get to one of the tourist streets. There would be people there. My heart pounded in my chest. He would stop chasing, if I could get to the street. I need to get to Main Street.
Tourists would be out, looking at the beautiful lights. I stopped on the sidewalk. The cold air burned my lungs, now that I could breathe regularly again. The man down the street turned to look at me, and shook his head.
Something grabbed me from behind and pulled me into the dark alley.
Total word count: 101
Mari Wells 
Hi Mari,
Good chase scene, genuine feelings of terror. Don’t want to think about what happened in that alley. Ron
No, me either.
Oh, no!! This is not a Christmas present. It’s a genuine Friday Fictioneers horror story!!
Yes, a Christmas horror story. Thank you for stopping by. 😀
Three weeks has flown by, hasn’t it? The whole Fictioneers experience is so much fun.
Yes, it has flown by, it feels like this was my first time because it is so much fun.
Ah, a good guy or a bad guy pulling her into the alley? Guess we’ll need a longer piece to learn her fate. Good job.
Thank you.
He’s suppose to be a bad guy. I’m not sure I want to know her fate. I’m sure it isn’t good.
What a tourist horror story! Wonder why the narrator was being chased.
Thank you.
Now if I were to go give that away, it would ruin the suspense if I choose to keep working on it. I’ll tell you she has really struck a nerve in him…
now you’re either saved from something or doomed by something. good luck!
She is doomed, although it would have been so nice if she was saved and they fell in loved and lived happily ever after.
Dark and creepy nightmarish Christmas story. I suppose there should be at least one. Congrats on your 3rd week.
Thank you. It doesn’t feel like 3 weeks, it feels like the first week. 😀
oh oh…horror awaits in that alley i am sure, very well done Mari
Thank you, Boomiebol.
Yes, horror awaits, or is finished by now. 😀
Dear Mari,
As with Danny Bowman’s honeycomb in wax paper, the enigmatic way you have the man shake his head really gave your story another layer of mystery and terror. What is going on? Stepford town? A spooky good tale.
Aloha,
Doug
Thank you.
Another excellent story! I agree about the man shaking his head… very intriguing. I wasn’t sure, though, if he was the man chasing her or someone else. At first I thought he was her pursuer, and maybe he had been trying to keep her from the evil in the alley, then I wasn’t so sure. Anyhow, great work!
Thank you.
The man who shook his head is not the pursuer.
High tension there – yes, the details are wonderful.
Thank you.
Can’t figure out why the other vote was one star – I think it was an accident.
Good Story!
Scott
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2012/11/29/friday-fictioneers-8/
Thank you.
Truly eerie, and a really effective sense of being chased. That man shaking his head did it for me…
Thank you for your kind comment.
I agree, it was that line that made the whole thing so much more sinister. Is he in on the plot; is the whole world in on the plot?
Thank you.
I’m not sure if he’s in on the plot, but he knows about the evil that happens on this street.
Oh, no! Not the alley. I hope the other guy, if he’s nice, can step into help. Nice story!
He doesn’t get into all of that stuff.
Uh oh, then!!
Love that something grabbed here. Definitely makes it even more creepy.
Thank you.
I could feel the adrenaline in your story. Well written.
Thank you so much.
Dear Mari,
It’s amazing how fast it goes by. Three weeks. Before you know it, it will be months. I started in April and was hooked straightaway.
As for your story. Wow. Evocative for me. I wanted to deck the guy who just stood there and shook his head. By not wanting to get involved he made himself an accessory. Very well told.
shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you.
It seems like the weeks are flying by.
The sad part of this story isn’t whatever happens to the girl but that the onlooker doesn’t help and most people in the world won’t or don’t help anymore.
excellent, sounds like this was not random, the chaser pushed her into the trap. What did they need from her? Too much planning involved for this to be random violence.
The pursuer knows these alleys better than the back of his hand. He has been following her for some time. She was special in that she doesn’t have family who would look for her if she disappeared.
Yikes!
Your story worked. Now I am concerned for this girl, I hope she has the resiliency to escape.
Great job! Ditto to everything above, so I’m not even going to reiterate the creepiness, tension, adrenaline and frustration at the head shaker you provoked ;-).
Thank you so very much for your kind comment.
Thank you everyone for your kind and wonderful comments. You all make the inner critic shut her mouth and do the ego good!
Well done Mari, great tension and left me wanting to know what happens next, just like the best chapter-end cliffhangers.
Thank you.
So may places this could go though I fear none of them bode well for your runner
No she didn’t survive her attack.
My heart is pounding and my throat is dry. That’s a good sign. What will happen next. Oh my. Well scripted.
Thank you so much.
Oh no! Just when I thought she’d reached safety. Glad to meet you and glad you’ve joined the Fictioneers!
Thank you.
It’s nice to meet you too.
Nice atmospheric story with a truly shocking twist ending. Good job!
Thank you.
A very frightening and realistic kind of story. Every detail and image is there to make it work. Very good one, Mari.
Thank you.
I like the way it starts with action right from the beginning.
Thank you.