“I rebuilt this mostly from scratch. I didn’t have money for a lot of the parts, but hey,” he said, taking one last long drag from his cigarette and stamping it into the ground, “she still runs. At least she’s got a decent engine!”
“I don’t know,” Zach said. “It looks kind of dodgy. I really need a decent car to get me there.” He watched this guy carefully, nerves trembling through his heartbeat.
“It’ll get you there and back without breaking a sweat!” He pulled the sign out of the car vigorously. “It’s my everyday car. Just bring her back to the shop.”
He was desperate. “I’ll take it.”
littlewonder2 
March 1, 2013 at 8:51 pm
Nice dialogue, and leaves you with questions – why is he so desperate? why would he buy it, especially if the guy makes him so nervous? I enjoyed reading this!
March 1, 2013 at 9:42 pm
LW I liked, I liked the ‘pulling the sign out of the car vigorously’ line!
March 1, 2013 at 10:03 pm
Nice dialogue here. I particularly like the ‘hey’ in the second sentence, and the pause for the cigarette. All feels very real. Not sure I’d buy a car off him though!
March 2, 2013 at 4:39 am
Very well done! Great, believable dialogue and use of the prompt. I’m glad everyone is having fun with this. Loved the line: “It looks kind of dodgy” but he took the car anyway.
March 2, 2013 at 6:22 am
I agree with Beth, I liked the flow of the dialogue very much.
March 2, 2013 at 7:08 am
I felt as though I was reading page 87 of a novel… Very well done. Good luck with your writing; you seem in earnest..!
March 3, 2013 at 8:55 am
An interesting observation. I agree. And I agree about your writing, LittleW.
March 2, 2013 at 8:31 am
I agree that the dialogue sounds real. Of course I want to know why he was desperate, where he was going, etc. This is a good lead-in to a story.
janet
March 2, 2013 at 9:19 am
I think he had to be desperate, lol!
March 2, 2013 at 10:43 pm
Lingeringvisions took the words from me. He’d have to be desperate. I’ll echo it, great dialogue. Would love to know more. Good job.
Shalom,
Rochelle
March 3, 2013 at 1:44 am
So, this is a rental car? That is pretty desperate. 🙂
March 3, 2013 at 4:00 am
“taking one last long drag from his cigarette and stamping it into the ground”– a line with action like this gives a reader real insight into a character. nice job.
March 3, 2013 at 5:47 am
The visuals are excellent, the dialogue believable. So where is this guy heading?
March 3, 2013 at 7:40 am
very nice.
March 3, 2013 at 2:00 pm
never know what we’ll do when desperate. well done.
suggestion – this line: “He didn’t mention that this guy made him kind of nervous.” instead of just telling us he was nervous about the guy, maybe he can do something to show us. for example.
“Each step the man took closer, Zach took a step away.” something like that. or “Zach’s heart raced slightly faster with each step the man took in his direction.”
i didn’t count the words, but i’m just tossing suggestions. i hope you don’t mind.
March 3, 2013 at 2:02 pm
Good point – I’ve recently been thinking how I don’t show not tell enough. Thanks for the advice.
March 3, 2013 at 5:28 pm
I liked this – you might try “I had to rebuild” to “I rebuilt” — shows action, saves a few words.
March 3, 2013 at 5:31 pm
Thanks.
March 3, 2013 at 10:13 pm
Nice story that opens up many different options of what’s going on. 🙂