60 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers: Little Sister Lost”

1. That’s a very different take, an artistic one, and I thought the prompt lent itself well to what you wrote: the messiness, the uniqueness of the car, the things in the car. But it threw the flow off, to my mind at least, when you switched tenses here: “where they are accepted for who they are not who society wants them to be. They have their own society and it’s safe there, until it’s not.”

   janet

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   • I don’t think I quite understand what you mean.

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2. The first part is all in the past tense…she was, I thought, she needed. Then you’re saying, “they are accepted” rather than “they were accepted.” So to continue the flow: “where there were accepted for who they were, not who society wanted them to be. They had their own society and it was safe there, until it wasn’t.” Sorry not to be more specific. Does this make sense?

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   • Yes,z I will revisit it when I get a chance. But the only reason it has two tenses is that the sister has died but the other homeless people, they are still alive. But I will check it out at my earliest convenience. Thanks for your input.

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     • I thought that might be it. Probably with only 100 words, you can’t really make the transition plain. Just trying to help.

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       • I absolutley appreciate your opinion. I thought that was the point of these, to offer some CC where needed not just boost each other’s egos.

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     • Just because you’re using the past tense doesn’t imply that the homeless people are dead, though.

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3. Nice take on the prompt.

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   • Thanks

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4. it’s safe there, until it’s not … is pretty key here. I think I got that she had died.

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   • Thanks, im glad to know i was able to convey the basis of the story.

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5. I got the real sadness of the last line – not sure if it was that important to me she died, the line was just so strong…

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   • Thank you. That was my intent to make that last line poignant. Im glad you “got it”. Thanks for commenting.

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6. Very original! I enjoyed it.

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   • Thank you.

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7. Oh my. Thoughtful and sad.

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   • Thanks Ted, I hope i am not getting stuck on a “theme” here but this is what the prompt said to me.

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8. ” it’s safe there, until it’s not.” — very powerful. very sad.
   great original take on the prompt

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   • Thanks kz. We all know or know of people like this, I think.

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9. The use of the past tense throughout gives it a sober note, like an obituary. Great job.

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   • Exactly what I was going for! You are very intuitive.

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10. That;s a very effective line there, ‘it’s safe there,until it’s not’. I liked this, you’ve conveyed the sister’s character beautifully in just a few words, together with the relationship between them. Very well done.

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    • I think this is common in our society. I was in Georgetown last month and it’s a mixture of extremes. High end retail just a block above the bridge where people live out in the elements.

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11. Really enjoyed that. The tinge of sadness spoke reams throughout..
    The last sentence – genius…

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    • Mental illness is a serious issue affecting our society on many many levels.Last week i read about a woman who dumped her change purse into the tin cup of a homeless man, not realizing her engagement ring, which needed sizing was in there. She went back a few days later and the man gladly gave her ring back. This went viral and the homeless man was reunited with siblings he had not seen in 20 years. It made me wonder why. 20 years is a long time, this story in part came from that.

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12. A very unique and tender take on the prompt.
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

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    • Thank you Rochelle.

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13. “until it’s not.” that’s sad to know that “not” is inevitable. well done.

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    • Thanks Rich.

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14. We must accept people for what they are and not what we wish they were. If we can do that we can have a much happier relationship.

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    • True that.

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15. I got that she died, hence past tense. I get
    that their are currently others that she left behind, hence present tense. I like it. ;-). The 100 words. Not the situation. That makes me sad.

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    • Thank you my love 🙂

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16. Until it’s not is a line I like to use too.

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    • Great minds.

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17. very sad..a sister’s loving tribute..well written

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18. The last line is very poignant.
    a thought provoking story. i liked the way you gave metaphorical reference of the car as the sister’s life and traits. interesting.

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    • Thank you for that insightful comment.

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19. Like this story a lot. Until it’s not is the operative phrase isn’t it? Some people can’t live by social norms. That has to be okay. Nicely done.

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    • Yes, there are all kinds of people in the world. Thanks for stopping by Renee.

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20. I liked the way you used the car to describe the person, and like the others, I loved that last line!

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    • Thanks t

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21. Oddly, you’ve channeled my brother.

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    • There are many many people like this, bless you for one of them being your brother. I know it’s challenging.

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22. powerful emotion here. It felt very real to me, like the character really was your sister. It was that first line. You made this reader believe; you did your job well.

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    • Thank you for your generous comment.

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23. Really sad. You wonder what she could have done with all of the talent and creativity.

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24. Fantastic. Think I know the people you talk about very well! Well done!

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    • I think probably everyone knows someone like this or knows of someone. It’s more common than we care to admit.

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25. although she may have died because of her situation, your beginning lines made me think she was happy in that she lived how she wanted to live…not according to the rules set up by our “normal” society. if so, i am happy for her.

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    • I think she would have liked you Sunshine.

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26. I really like your take on this photo – a chaotic though creative genius, who lived life on her own terms – not many of us gifted, or brave enough to do that.

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    • True.

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27. In this world, it takes great courage to be who you are. I just pity the sister with that monstrosity in the garden – although her children may like it?

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    • Lol…they may.

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28. When my wife worked for the parks department, she had quite a bit of interaction with the homeless. Many of them suffered from mental illness and the inability to “fit in” You captured that well

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    • Thank you.

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29. The story of most geniuses. It’s not as glamorous as it is made out to be on television. That was a perfect description.

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30. In only 100 words you managed to make me love your sister. Obviously genius runs in the family. I’m sad this story is in the past tense but happy that I read it even though it left me with tears in my eyes.

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    • Awww…thanks for taking the time to comment.

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