My month old nephew is blissfully asleep (for now), affording me a precious few moments for writing Friday Fictioneers. Every Friday, writers from all around the world write 100 word (or thereabouts) flash fiction based on a photo posted that Wednesday on Rochelle Wisoff-Fields’ blog.
Here’s my story this week. I welcome constructive criticism; without it I cannot grow as a writer.
The Other Side
“They came in the middle of the night,” my friend’s father said. “One minute you were asleep, the next,” he continued, shaking his head. “The next, they were shooting everyone.”
“What happened then?” I asked.
“We jumped in the river,” he said. “Fully clothed. Not all of us could swim.”
His hand trembled as he traced the sculpture’s weathered face.
“Not all of us could swim,” he repeated.
I glanced at my friend and switched to English.
“Your parents had a hard life, didn’t they?”
“Yes, very hard,” he replied. “The war took everything they had.”
glossarch 
Sad story. You captured the lost in his life.
“not all of us could swim” repeated and powerful.
Superb. Powerful tale, well told.
excellent, war uproots cultures and tradition in a way that is never resumed.
i like the descriptive words you used to bring us into this moment…the middle of the night, the get away and finally the reflection over the statue.
Wel done. Understated but nevertheless gripping.
I felt the emotion and the back story. Well done.
Danny, I keep wondering who these people were to the father and feel the terror they must have felt when forced to escape this way. Obviously some of them escaped in another way. Very touching.
janet
I liked this.
Very powerful writing. It really shows the senselessness of war and the loss of life. I love how the reader gets a sense of the larger story, a story that the character might not want to tell in detail.
Well told, and well written. I enjoyed your sad tale. Sad, though.
Really good writing. The emotion comes through really clearly in the way the father tells the story. Nice!
Very well told as usual, and the real story builds inside my head thanks to your seeds.
Very well written!
As has been said, very well written. The use of a repeated line is very effective.
I like it. Evocative. Reminds me of my visit to Hiroshima..
Reblogged this on Bowman Farm in Lemitar, New Mexico and commented:
evocative. Reminds me of visiting Hiroshima.
Like. Evocative. Reminds me of visiting Hiroshima